Stumbling Uncertainty
by WittchWay
Summary: HPSS Harry is forced into the Auror program by Dumbledore who is still trying to control his life. But Harry is unhappy... no one knows the true Harry, except Severus Snape.
1. The first falter

Disclaimer: JKR gets credit. HP/SS slash sort of. English is not my native language please excuse errors.

Summary: HP/SS No career the boy who lives chooses seems good enough for the wizard community. They see him as their hero yet they don't see _him _but Severus Snape does.

Stumbling Uncertainty

By WittchWay

Today was a bad day… one of the worse in his school career and now all he could do was wait. Wait for the Headmasters arrival and that of the other professors. Wait for their decision to pass or hold him back from graduating and completing the remaining few days before his final year at Hogwarts was officially over.

Harry slumped down in his seat. His hands twisting nervously in his lap, his eyes downcast focused on the wooden leg of Dumbledore's desk.

To say the day had not gone as anticipated would be an understatement…

The sad thing was he had woken in such a good mood. Of course he had been nervous it was after all the day the seventh years would present their senior projects, projects they had been working independently on all school year.

Each project was suppose to be an improvement upon an existing spell, charm or potion of your choice or you could choose an original idea.

He had taken the improve upon route… his idea was something the wizard community desperately needed or so he thought. It seemed only practical, really he was surprised someone hadn't improved up the idea before now. Though his research did indicate it had been tested several times without much success over the years.

He should have known it was going to go bad when he stepped upon the platform in the great hall. Everyone had scooted to the edge of their seats in high anticipation of what he was about to unveil. Photographers from several wizarding newspapers sat with their cameras poised. Fingers twitching on the clicker.

When he pulled the cloth off of his project people gasped and looked so disappointed, sitting back in their seats. It was then he had become hesitant and had the first inkling that perhaps this wasn't a good idea. He should have known but of course it was to late. The hall had broken out in whispers and several wizards began mocking and pointing, several witches in the back row that had smiled at him pleasantly earlier but had craned their necks to get a look at him when he stepped on the stage, but resumed their conversation at his _mundane_ presentation.

Of course he had gone on anyways. Had to or fail instantly, he even demonstrated the item, which had woken the crowd up some what. But in the end his project had fail to hold the attention of most.

As soon as he had stepped off the stage professor McGonagall had cornered him, telling him to meet in the headmasters office after the final project.

And so he had… nervously, hesitantly…

His friends hadn't been overly impressed either. They had been supportive, friendly, but he could tell Hermione was itching to lecture him on his poor choice.

Of course Draco Malfoy had self assuredly walked up to him snickering that the _boy who lived _was going to fail for sure. The remaining goon behind him had laughed as well… whether it was Crabbe or Goyle he did not know, one was dead he knew that. Both of their projects had been impressive, though he thought that was more to do with professor Snape's assistance.

What he did know was that he was a little scared. The way the others looked at him, the way McGonagall had looked at him…. Could they really fail him? He was a good student otherwise. Nearly top in his year, behind a handful of Ravenclaws, Hermione and Malfoy.

He just didn't know.

The door to the headmasters office opened suddenly and in filed the heads of house.

Harry sat up instantly as McGonagall took the seat to the right of him.

Flitwick and Sprout to his left, the head of Slytherin stood with his arms crossed against his chest near the fireplace, out of the way, out of the setting sunlight that encased the room.

Dumbledore took his seat with little flair, crossing his hands on is desk. Harry leaned forward waiting for him to offer the customary lemon sherbet or tea, waited for him to offer a warm smile.

__

But he didn't.

Harry leaned back in his seat, the toe of his boot edging at the fading rug. He felt like a child sent to the headmasters office for the first time, deeply in trouble and awaiting punishment. He certainly didn't feel like a seventeen year old, soon to be eighteen year old man he was suppose to be.

It couldn't have been that bad. Several people had seemed interested in what he had to say… in his presentation at least. Harry sighed. Who was he kidding it had been a dismal response. Perhaps he should have listened to Hermione and done something more meaningful. Something that everyone would be talking about…. Or at least talking about in a good fashion.

But that wasn't what they were suppose to do. They were suppose to present something based upon the career path they were choosing… and he had.

He had improved upon and invented the first family riding broom. Not only was it geared toward family but toward the safety of the children. It had a cushioning charm. Magic binding seatbelts to hold the little ones in… not only that it had a permanent cloaking charm upon it. It was strong enough that a wizard could be riding along muggles on the freeway and no one would see them as long as they stayed on the broom.

He had gotten the idea after hearing several witches in Diagon Alley talking about how another child had gotten lost in the floo system and how the ministry had quite a time getting the young one out. And how she missed flying carpets cause they were so family friendly.

It had seemed just the thing the wizard community really needed.

And then Arthur Weasley had even mentioned something similar at one of the holiday gatherings.

It seemed like the perfect item to improve upon and it wasn't like he hadn't done his research on the matter.

"Harry," Dumbledore frowned pulling out a piece of parchment, "Harry," he said again and then again as if trying to figure out what he was going to say, "Harry… one of the guidelines of the seventh year projects was that it would relate to your chosen career path. A Quidditch broom does not do that."

Harry sat up, meeting the headmasters frown for the first time. He opened his mouth to argue.

But Dumbledore held up his hand, "It is up to us, The heads of house, as a group to make the decision to pass or fail you."

They looked at him, _all of them_, though he could not see Snape he could feel those black eyes burning a hole through the back of his head.

They waited for him to say something, anything in his defense but he knew no matter what he said it would seem stupid and childish, "…But its not a Quidditch broom…. Its a family broom… everyone in a household could ride safely on with their children, it has tons of protection charms on it…"

"Harry I thought you wanted to be an Auror… a _family broom _is not something Aurors would be interested in." Dumbledore looked past him as the door to his office opened allowing Kingsley Shacklebolt to enter.

"I believe you already submitted your application to become an Auror and you've already selected Shacklebolt as your mentor in the process… is that not so?"

Harry sighed heavily, looking over the room, McGonagall sat ramrod straight next to him frowning, Flitwick was digging through his pockets finally pulling a cherry sweet free, picked a piece of lint from it and popped it in his mouth. Sprout on the far side of him was digging under her fingernails trying desperately to dislodge a piece of dirt, unaware that the twigs in her hair were more likely to distract a person than the dirt under her nails. He wanted to turn around and look at Snape, but he didn't he was sure the man was glaring at him for disrupting his time, always his precious time.

He could feel the tension in the room build, he had disappointed them by picking something so simple to improve upon. Something so _common _as a broom. "Um…. About that…you see… I don't know if I want to be an Auror… Sorry King… ah… Auror Shacklebolt… With Voldemort gone I didn't really see the point." Harry twisted his hands till his knuckles hurt.

There was a slight titter around him, from the mention of Voldemort's name or the fact that he didn't want to be an Auror he wasn't sure.

"Mister Potter," McGonagall chide, "A great number of people are expecting you to enter the Auror training program come October…. There are still those that wish to cause harm in the wizard world. A great many death eaters are still on the run… families of those killed are depending on you to capture these men."

Guiltily Harry cleared his throat, he knew people were depending on him. After all he had said he would join the Aurors, _Hell _it had been a scrolling marquee on the front page of the Daily Profit the day he had applied. Not to mention he had spoken about it often with friends, families of those that had love ones die during the war.

But the war was over and had been for nearly six months, Voldemort was dead and it was final. Things were almost back to normal. The tired look that creased peoples faces during war was mostly unnoticeable now, houses had been rebuilt, the trials of Death Eaters were long over, "Oh… I…" Harry trained off his voice little more than a whisper.

"Can we get to the point." Snape hissed, "I like to think my time is more valuable than what Mister Potter is going to choose as a career."

"Yes of course Severus," Dumbledore leaned back in his seat. "The problem being Mister Potter has apparently chosen a career we have no knowledge of… And what career choice might that be Mister Potter?"

Harry press his lips together tightly, "I thought… perhaps I'd open my own broom store in Hogsmeade, they don't have one and a lot more people come through there than Diagon Alley," he finished quickly. He left off the underlying fact that half of Diagon Alley was under construction since the finally battle and the few shops that were still there were struggling to stay a float.

"You want to be a shopkeeper?" McGonagall barked, "_A shopkeeper." _she said it as if it was the most distasteful thing she had ever heard.She stood suddenly and began to pace. Harry turned to watch, her fists clenched at her side, her eyes pressed tightly together.

Snape backed up, now leaning against the fireplace, it was the first look he had gotten of the man since he entered the headmasters office. His face twisted, making a point not to look at Harry but at the ceiling which he seemed very enchanted with. Harry thought he was trying not to laugh.

It just made him feel worse, like he had let them all down in someway, Harry turned back to Dumbledore, "I just wanted to do something… quiet for once. Something that…", what was he going to say, _something that wasn't going to have people throwing hexes at him, cursing him, dieing on him, something with out thought_… well at least the last part would actually make Snape laugh, that he was sure of.

Harry slumped in his seat. Shutting his eyes. It wasn't going to happen. He could feel it before they said it. Dumbledore would dictate his life in this as well, as he did in everything else he did.

"Mister Potter please wait outside while we make our decision."

Harry rose trying not to look at McGonagall whom out of the corner of his eye he could see was shaking with anger. He looked back to the headmaster quite sure he should say something more in his defense. Perhaps even plead to Shacklebolt whom he had always liked.

But he didn't… if they wanted to fail him, well he would live with it… as he always did.

Harry shut the door behind him, his legs suddenly wobbly beneath him. He was about to toss himself in the only chair in the waiting room when he noticed it was occupied by a short balding wizard wearing a green coat, a proper wizard hat in hand.

"Mister Potter?" he smiled extending his hand, "I'm Mister Quality from Quality Quidditch Supplies."

__

To be continued…

Review Please


	2. And if You Hesitate

Disclaimer: Full credit to JKR, HP/SS,

Stumbling Uncertainty

Chapter 2 …And If you Hesitate

By WittchWay

"Harry Potter?" he smiled extending his hand, "I am Mister Quality from Quality Quidditch Supplies."

Harry took his hand automatically, his breath catching in his chest, remembering the summer before his third year when he had lived at the Leaky Cauldron, he had visited Quality Quidditch supply store everyday, touching the brooms, asking question after question. Harry grinned, the man had the patience of a saint, every question was answered, every tip on flying given freely.

Harry inspired to run his own shop in such a way. In a carefree manner, encouraging children to ask questions, to speak freely. Not to mention that Quality always appeared happy, calm, peaceful. _All things Harry inspired to be not only in his life but in career as well._

"Um," was all Harry got out before the wizard started pumping his hand excitedly, jerking his whole body in the process.

"I was quite impressed with the broom you presented today. I don't usually come to the seventh year projects but my nieces daughter was presenting… Susan Bones. Lovely girl? Do you know her? Well anyways…" he gulped, "Have you tested the broom out with a real family and children?"

Harry gapped at the man, he talked blindingly fast, "Just my dorm mates."

"You designed it yourself? Charms and all?"

"Yes, developed and improved up old charms and safety charms…"

"But the design of the broom, you carved it? Is that right?"

"Oh yes," Harry gave a small bashful smile, pleased someone had actually heard what he had been saying during his presentation about the shape of the handle being important, not to mention the type of woods used.

"I'd be most interested in testing the broom…"

Dumbledore's office door opened suddenly, _like a dark cloud_ the old wizard stuck his head out, "Harry Potter if you would join us…" the headmaster stopped suddenly, straightening his stance once realizing another man was waiting in the small sitting room as well, "Mister Quality is it?" The tone of Dumbledore's voice dropped to a hard irritable baritone, Harry could tell Dumbledore was not happy to see his fellow wizard, "Was there something I could help you with?"

Mister Quality either didn't hear the starkness of Dumbledore's tone or didn't care, "Headmaster, I was just talking to young Potter here about his broom… I'd be most interested in testing it and perhaps having it sold _exclusively _in my shop," he turned and wink at Harry, "Perhaps Mister Potter, _if his time permits_, might come into the store a couple of times a week to test the broom for those interested parties?"

Harry smiled he wanted to hug the little man, spin him around the room with joy. Harry opened his mouth to accept, glad the opportunity had presented it's self.

"Perhaps _Mister _Quality." Dumbledore clapped Harry on the shoulder, gripping him tightly, quieting his acceptance, Dumbledore looked angry all of a sudden, "I do believe young Potter will be quite busy with Auror training and other responsibilities. If you could excuse us we must talk of Mister Potter's grade, we shouldn't be but a few moments." He said rather curtly steering Harry into his office.

Harry looked to Mister Quality who looked uncomfortable, as he was finally picking up on the mood of the evening, he nodded and gave a small smile to Harry.

Dumbledore shut the door with a noticeable click, giving Harry a small push toward his seat, he was never more aware of its placement in the center of the room. McGonagall was back in her seat, her cheeks a little pink as if she had been yelling while he was gone. Which Harry didn't doubt 

Flitwick and Sprout both looked indifferent. Shacklebolt stood against the fireplace, Snape had moved to stand by the window, his face turned toward the nights sky.

Dumbledore stood behind his desk, his long fingers griping the pushed in chair behind it.

"Sit, Mister Potter," Dumbledore hissed, "We have come to, what you will see as a reasonable decision. We shall give you a passing grade as long as you continue on with the other obligations you set forth before the seventh year projects, namely entering the Aurors training program per the contract you signed with them…"

Harry gritted his teeth, "I signed the contract when Voldemort was still alive and killing everyone. I had to join…the prophecy…. Things have changed... He's dead."

Harry toed the rug beneath his feet irritably, gathering his strength, his inner Gryffindor courage, "I shouldn't be forced to follow through on a decision I made two years ago. Life changes, _I've_ changed and its not like I'm off to do nothing with my time Mister Quality said I could help out at his shop and see to the brooms design and all… I want to work there. I don't want to be an Auror."

"When did you speak to Quality," McGonagall snapped her neck around, the bun on the back of her head shaking violently.

"Mister Quality is in the waiting room Minerva." Dumbledore said calmly.

__

"That rotten old goat," She muttered standing so fast the chair she had been sitting in fell back, nearly missing the toe of Snape's boot.

McGonagall stalked to the door, ready to fling it open and yell at the man on the other side.

"Minerva," the headmaster barked, "If you please, I would like to get this over and done with. Its nearly midnight as it is."

She stopped, moving to stand next to Shacklebolt, crossing her arms against her chest, her lips pressed so tightly together it was as if they weren't on her face anymore. The Auror rested his hand on the small of her back to calm her.

"Now Auror Shacklebolt has been kind enough to produce the contract which you signed." Dumbledore dropped the contract in front of him, "As you were over the age of majority when you signed it at the beginning of the year, I'm sure I don't need to remind you the contract is binding."

Harry slumped in his seat, shutting his eyes remember just months ago when he had been called to McGonagall's office to sign the documents. Three fully qualified Aurors had stood as witnesses as he signed the papers. McGonagall as his personal witness, as they read the rules, regulations, terms and then the agreement. He sworn an oath, he had repeated the words _happily_…that was then and this was now.

Now he was a different person, he finally had a chance to think beyond Voldemort and his followers. This contract wasn't who he was anymore and truthfully he wasn't sure it was who he had been then….

If Voldemort was alive he would have joined the Aurors team, he would have had to, to honor his parents and their sacrifice. To honor his godfather and his fall through the veil and his death.

He had felt an immense relief when Lord Voldemort had died. He felt as if he could breathe again, live again. It wasn't till months after Voldemort's death that he began to think of living his life…really living. It was only then he had felt alive.

"…Well Mister Potter, what is your decision Auror training or failing this school year."

"I don't need to see the contract… I know what it states."

"I'm sure you do. In light of things we are willing to over look the fact that you presented a project that was not related to your career path, even though that was part of the project. More so we are prepared to over look the fact that the broom was adequate at best. We are of course in agreement you have not been the best student this year. Cutting class, late assignments, lacking in your prefect duties… we will over look your year of _teenage rebellion _and pass you anyways if you hereby agree to follow through with the initial course of Auror training. It is of course your decision."

"So technically I could fail… is that right?"

Dumbledore narrowed his eyes, "That is your decision…"

"His decision?" McGonagall cut in, "Merlin, James and Lily must turning in their graves, Potter at their ungrateful son. Your mothers sacrifice was her life and this is how you repay her by what running off to become a broom maker. Is this some sort of elaborate Prank cause it isn't funny." McGonagall began her pacing again, grinding her teeth as she went.

Harry slumped back in his seat, "um…yeah" he muttered.

Dumbledore shook his head, "What does that mean, '_um yeah_' … ? Is that a _yes _I agree to join the Aurors or _yes _I decided to take the failing grade."

"Great Merlin Potter, sit up," McGonagall huffed, "You act as if we are sending you to your death. Being an Auror is an honorable job, it can lead to great things and a nice a career in the Ministry if one desires. Several of the Ministers of Magic have been Aurors. A most noble profession. Your parents would be well proud of you for that career choice."

His parents, he wondered when they would be remarked upon. He did want them to be proud, the way everyone talked about his father made it sound as if he to had been an Auror. He heard nothing more than how great they were, how they were the best of students, best at Quidditch, his mother the best at charms, his father the handsomest man around, his mother the most beautiful… and he did want nothing more to make them proud. To make them happy.

"Yes I agree to join the Aurors," he muttered.

The head of Gryffindor smiled, reached over and straightened Harry's collar as he sat up in his seat, "Now go and send in Mister Quality I have a few words for him." there was an evil glint in McGonagall's eyes, an almost vicious look with cat like glowing quality.

Harry got up as Flitwick, Sprout and Snape turned to leave as well. Shacklebolt nodded to McGonagall as he took his leave.

They had made their decision and now it was settled, and like a fool he agreed, he had let them control him again, guilt him into a life he was beginning to care less and less about.

Dumbledore and McGonagall would take care of Quality and his shop. They would crush his dream together, at least he wouldn't have to witness it.

He moved aside to let the professors go first, Mister Quality stood as they exited the door, swiping his wizarding hat from his head.

Harry waited till the professors moved onto the revolving stairs and midway to the exit before he spoke, "The Headmaster wants to see you." he said softly not meeting the mans eyes.

"I see," Mister Quality said moving toward the office door sullenly, "You won't be joining me at the shop will you Mister Potter?"

Harry looked down at his feet, licked his lips, "No… I-I've already signed up to be an Auror…. Long before this."

"Wizards live a long time mister Potter, perhaps another time." and with that Quality entered the office of the Headmaster.

Harry stood there a moment as the door closed with a resounding click.

He had to return to the common room, his friends would be waiting up for him he was sure. None of the seventh years had been sleeping much, from nerves of graduation in a weeks time or from what lay after he wasn't sure.

Harry stepped onto the revolving stairs and began the descent down. As he neared the bottom Snape was just exiting the door even though he should be long gone be now. Harry cringed what was the man waiting for.

Harry exited the door as Snape neatly tucked his hands in the fold of his robes.

Harry ignored him turning toward Gryffindor tower.

"Not much of a fight Potter," Snape sneered, "Sorely lacking in the courage you Gryffindor pride yourself so much on."

Harry turned, Snape stood looming over him but not by much. They were nearly equal in height. Each had the same intensity in their eyes, Potter turned ready to fight, "Must be my Slytherin weakness, you know that's were the sorting hat originally wanted to put me."

"It wouldn't have suited you, I'm sure that's why the sorting hat choose otherwise… Slytherins have a backbone."

Harry opened his mouth to scream at the man but he was already walking away, the flow of billowing robes became part of the darkness that surrounded them in the corridor of Hogwarts.

Harry seethed, he was half tempted to run after the man but he hadn't the energy, he simply turned and headed toward Gryffindor.

TBC

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	3. The further you fall

Disclaimer: Owned by JKR HP/SS, Started before HBP was out. I will be incorporating some of that book into this over time. There should be regular update henceforth. Pervious chapters had small changes made to them.

Stumbling Uncertainty

Chapter 3 The further you fall

By WittchWay

Harry Potter slowly made his way back toward Gryffindor tower, he hoped taking the long route would lesson his self loathing…or at least forget that had not the nerve to stand up to Dumbledore and the other professors, that he had once again let them control his life out of school, just as they had controlled his life in. Of course he hadn't been aware of the sudel manipulation as a student. Not right away at least but it was there. He saw it for what it was now. The information that had been denied him, about parents, Voldemort, the prophecy.

He was stuck, between obligations he had made a year ago, wanting to make his parents proud, wanting to make Dumbledore and McGonagall proud as well, both whom had guided him his entire school career, both had stood besides him when the newspapers and wizarding community had not.

Never mind what he wanted… which no one seemed concerned about that.

But as he made his way down another hidden corridor and up another flight of stairs he found what goaded him the most was the burn Snape had got on him. It had become Snape's way as of late to interfere, not that he hadn't all along but now it was in a different way Harry couldn't' quite put his finger on. It was almost in a good nature sarcastic way at times. A hidden meaning he had to decipher, he didn't know if had always been that way or if because he was older he could see if clearly now. What ever it was he didn't understand it.

Harry frowned, he was finally at the place had been avoiding, the common room for his house. It had been unfriendly place with chilled attitudes as of late.

Harry sighed as he stood in front of the portrait of the fat lady that guarded the entrance to Gryffindor tower. The lady stared back at him, her eyebrows raised in a questioning manner though he had said nothing to her in the time he had been standing there_… a good five minutes now. _He was thankful she hadn't snapped at him like she usually did with students that stood hanging about the entrance.

He just wasn't ready to enter the common room yet. The last few days it had been overly crowded as it always was toward the end of a school year. Students staying up late chatting now that exams were over, others to spend the last few moments of the school year doing magic and charms that weren't taught in a normal classroom settings, others exchanging addresses for owl delivers, making plans to visit during the summer, it was the same at the end of every year.

"Is it crowded?" he asked the fat lady.

Her eyebrow arched a little higher, then she looked over her shoulder, "No more than usual dearie," she nodded toward him.

Harry frowned, bracing himself and mumbled the password, the portrait swung open with ease displaying the common room.

Harry entered, keeping his head down and made a beeline for the stairs that led up to the boys dorm rooms.

"Harry."

Harry flinched, _this is what he had been avoiding_, turning he faced a scowling Hermione, "Did they pass you?"

Harry cringed, Hermione and him had not been getting on well this last quarter for some reason he didn't quite understand. Ever since his defeat of Voldemort during the Christmas holidays she had been a little standoffish. As were several other students, students that he had little interaction with before the battle and made equally no difference after the battle.

"Well?" Hermione barked, "Did you pass?"

The entire room turned to look at him, several groups of girls resumed their gossiping, one or two were even pointing at him. Harry sighed half wishing the ground would just open up and swallow him whole.

"Yeah, I passed," he nodded and continued on his way to bed.

"Even though it had nothing to do with Auror training?" Hermione snapped.

Harry turned back to look at his friend, She looked angry, clutching a dark blue book to her chest, he could make several of the gold words on the cover, _Student standard guide and rule book of Hogwarts_….

He had hoped she would wait till morning to press the matter but since it didn't look like she was willing to wait, "Yes, even though it had nothing to do with wanting to be an Auror."

"Which clause did Dumbledore state _this _passing was on?"

Harry looked at her cross-eyed, "He didn't state a clause. Just said I passed as long as I went ahead with the plans to be an Auror."

He watched as Hermione narrowed her eyes, snapped shut the book. "I see. Just like _that _you passed." she stood abruptly, dropping the book on to the coffee table sounding a loud bang.

The full attention of the room was upon them. Harry blinked several times in quick secession, her tone with him was harsh, she was shaking with rage.

"Did you want me to fail?" he whispered, he wasn't sure how this conversation was going to turn out but however it was going to turn wasn't going to be good. He had been expecting her to lecture him on his stupidity on presenting a broom for his senior project, had expected a reprimand on proper traditions within the wizarding community, perhaps a well done when everything was said and done.

"Of course I didn't want you to fail," though Harry thought she didn't sound very convincing, "But you broke half a dozen rules. There is nothing in the student guidebook that could reasonable allow you to pass." Her voice raised half an octave.

"Hermione, I passed, isn't that all that matters." he whispered moving once again toward the boys dorms.

Hermione was on his heels, every set of eyes in the room followed her, "Doesn't it bother you that you passed because you're Harry Potter and not because the project merited a pass."

Harry turned, "What?" he said softly, his voice trembling, this he would not expect of Hermione, she lectured on behavior, on studying hard, more efficiently, she never brought up his celebrity, she never acted like he was the boy who lived, the boy who killed Voldemort…. She always stood by his side, even leaving for half the school year to help kill Voldemort, she was the friend he could always count on.

Harry turned around, gripping the banister of the stairwell tightly. Several of the nosey students moved around the room so they could watch the drama unfold. Hermione stood on the step below him, her hand clasped over her mouth as if surprised she had said what she did.

Though no apology was forth coming.

"I just…" She broke off.

"You just what Hermione," Harry's voice was low, though it felt as if he had been shouting. "You think they passed me because of who I am instead of what I accomplished with that broom."

"There's nothing in the handbook that could possibly have let them pass you. The project had to part of what your career goals are…"

"Is that how you feel…? That I should fail, stay at Hogwarts another year."

Angrily Harry clenched his fists, "Perhaps I should have dragged Voldemort's dead body up on the platform and simply said any _questions_." Harry's voice rose with every word, "Perhaps I should have dueled him in the middle of the great hall for my project… _oh wait I did_… remember our lovely holiday, the decorations all blood stained afterwards… think I would have passed then _Hermione_…"

No one said a word, Harry eyed them all, daring them to speak, to question him.

Harry couldn't take it anymore, he stomped up the steps and quite noisily entered the boys dorm banging the door when he entered. He tore at his clothes, tossing them on the floor and climbed into bed, pulling the hangings around his bed closed.

Though suddenly restless, he couldn't believe the fight he had just had with his _friend. _Did they really think so little of his intelligence that he couldn't pass on his own merit or with out being the boy who lived. Hermione had really pissed him off, the way she had attacked him, insulted him, belittled him. He knew she had become obsessed with school work after missing the first half of the year to go out and assist him in the battle with Voldemort. Feeling like she had to catch up or fail.

That he understood, that was typical Hermione, he expected nothing less than her pure dedication to school work and that she would of course drag both Ron and himself with her into study mode.

But it hadn't quite worked out that way, she had dragged Ron with her to the library for study, she hadn't asked him. Though he usually tagged along out of habit, because that was where his friends were.

Though it had taken him the better part of a month to catch on that she wasn't asking him to come along, that she rarely spoke to him. That it was Ron that was the link between them now. Ron Weasley who didn't seem to notice a difference in attitude toward him.

Harry sat up, he couldn't' sleep and he couldn't just lie here. He felt like he was suffocating in the darkness of the room. He yanked the curtains back. Gasping he knew he was having a small panic attack. Sitting forward, his legs dangling off the side of his bed, he looked around the room. He knew this last year was going to be a mistake.

He had known it as soon as the battle had ended. The way the other students had looked at him. The way they reacted to the power of the spell he had cast to kill Voldemort.

Some still avoided him, others had approached to ask for training or special tutoring in defense magic, though he had denied all requests.

But like a fool he had resume classes with students that he felt older than, had more life experience than. The classes were nothing he didn't know already from him own studies and readings.

But still his friends doubted him, this he did not need right now, he needed people to support him, people whom valued his friendship as Harry Potter, not as some tool for the Order of Phoenix. He needed Hermione's words of wisdom, Ron's snide comments on how they couldn't fail him.

Harry went still as the dorm door opened and then shut, the heavy sound of Ron's boots moved across the room. He held his breath as Ron undressed pulling on his pajamas, he looked sheepishly at Harry, his best friend of seven years, "She's just upset…. Give her time, please for my sake."

Harry shook his head in frustration, "She hurt me Ron. Really hurt me with what she said… how could she even think that."

"I know… it just that… she's pregnant Harry." Ron slid from the edge of his bed and came and sat next to Harry. Bumping shoulders with his mate, "Pregnant Harry...we haven't told anyone yet. Can you believe it. One time was all it took…" He grinned proudly, "she's just upset. Maybe its hormones… I don't really know. She's torn between being a mother and giving up her time at university. She was really upset when she had to turn them down. For this year at least."

Ron clasped his hands between his knees, staring at the floor, "She's thinks that you have so much potential Harry and that you are wasting it away creating brooms and playing Quidditch." Ron looked up at him, he opened his mouth to say something then paused, for the first time Harry knew Ron Weasley he could tell the redhead was weighing his words before he spoke next.

"That night," he said slowly, Harry knew insistently which night in question, "You crackled with magic… It was like you were glowing with power, it was scary Harry. The way you looked, the energy around you." Ron looked him straight in the eye, "I was scared… truly frightened."

Harry shut his eyes leaning back on the bed. He nodded. It was all he could do.

Ron stood, taking a few steps towards his bed, "Hermione's the type of person Harry where brains matter. In her eyes if you're the smartest person in the world its you duty to save the world, to cure the world of all that ails them…"

Ron looked over his shoulder, "So in her eyes its your duty to save the wizarding world, cure the wizarding world of what ails them… to be our leader. You are the most powerful wizard Harry."

Ron climbed into bed pulled one set of curtains and reached for the next, "Yes Harry even at the price your happiness…" he said sourly, cheering up a bit he said "You'll come to the wedding won't you. Best man and all."

Harry nodded, pressing a smile to his lips. "Yeah."

Ron pulled the curtains to his bed, Harry sat there for a long moment listening to him turn and settle down in bed. Eventually the light snores that was more of a wheeze.

Harry swung his legs backing into the bed rubbing his stomach, he was nausea from the unease that had settled over his life. It was one strange twist after another.

Needless to say he didn't sleep at all that night. Nor the night that followed.

TBC

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	4. Follow

Disclaimer: Owned by JKR. HP/SS… Not beta read, seemed to have lost another. If interested please leave email add.

This will not be a Harry returns to the muggle world story.

Stumbling Uncertainty

Chapter 4

By WittchWay

Graduation at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry was little more than a luncheon on the front lawn of the castle. In attendance were seventh year students, professors, the schools Board of Governors, close family and friends.

It was an impressive luncheon, with even more impressive foods and deserts, long tables crisscrossed each other making a X, blankets with a mound of pillows lay out under trees waiting for those looking to rest after dessert or just in the mood to sit and chat.

Headmaster Dumbledore made a short speech mid luncheon, the speech had varied little over his years as headmaster, it was the same every headmaster or mistress made at the end of term, whether wizard or muggle; go out into the world and live up to your talent, live a prosperous life, multiply and go forth with care…

Overall it was a very pleasant day, the sky was blue, cloudless, sun was shining bright, birds were singing, and the giant squid was lazily sunning its tentacles on the surface of the lake. Further more Certificates of Completion were passed out early so that students could walk around with _temporary _pride and gloated to their loved ones that they were suddenly valid, full members of the wizard society.

Harry Potter snorted as he moved through the crowd, desperate to be quit of them all. Clutching his mug of mead tightly to his chest, ignoring those around him, or at least those that greeted him as he passed. Of course it could be Rosmerta's mead talking or perhaps he was a bit cynical today, but no matter what, he did notice there was nothing about being happy mentioned in the headmasters little speech…Not a thing.

People never talked about happiness when they spoke of the future, only of job advancement, promotions, and money, but never of happiness… it was always assumed if you had one the other would follow… _it rarely did. _

Harry moved closer to the castle wall as he cupped his mug. It was more than half empty and not his first of the day. There had been butterbeers pre-breakfast sent to his dorm mate Ron Weasley as a graduation gift from the twins. There had been whiskey shots late morning with several of the seventh year Hufflepuff boys in the third floor bathroom smuggled in by a friend of a friend. Hufflepuff's he noticed always seemed to have this type of thing.

And then there had been Rosmerta's finest mead at every place setting on the table during lunch, a pitcher of it every couple of seats. He had drank with intent of lightening his mood… but the mead had had the opposite effect as alcohol was prone to do.

Of course it hadn't helped that he had been chauffeured around by his fellow students, introduced again and again as the boy who lived, as the chosen one. It hadn't helped that they had stared at him, whispered right there in front of him, pointed at him again and again, had mentioned Voldemort more times than he cared to remember. The braver of those in attendance had relived his whole story to their families over and over again… as if the others didn't already know it.

Harry stumbled slightly, plainly ignoring Molly Weasley waving him over as she lined up the family to take a few pictures. He could see Arthur Weasley behind her struggling with loading film in a very muggle looking camera.

That of course was part of the problems as well, _family_. He had none and it was never as noticeable as it was today. Yes, Molly Weasley had hugged him, but not before Ron. Yes Arthur had clapped him on the shoulder, even the Grangers had congratulated him. Kind as they all were none of them were his family.

There's a burning sensation in his chest every time his parents had been mentioned, _your mothers eyes, how much he looked like his father_. Parents who were there with their own children, watching them complete a momentous event in their life_. Insensitive lot. _

Harry passed the last of the groups, looking back over them and snarled.

He was going out into the world alone no parents to live with or fall back on like Ron did. He would leave this school and simply go to the Auror training academy, there was no in-between for him. He was a man without a home. He was nomadic… Harry snorted, taking a sip of his mead, sloshing some down his front. perhaps he was being dramatic but he simply did not care. Running his hand along the stone wall he could only hope the corner he found was shadowed enough that they wouldn't notice if he stayed there the rest of the day.

Harry stumbled around the corner of the castle keeping to the shadows as he went, finding a nice spot as far away from the festivities as he could get. Slumping to the ground, this time not letting a drop of the mead spill, Harry pulled his legs up to his chest and shut his eyes. Breathing a sigh of relief.

He sat there so long his legs had gone numb from the position he sat but he didn't care. As long as he could block out the distant chatter of the students and families he was fine and would stay where he was. As it was he was barely aware of the potion masters approach. It was until Severus Snape cleared his throat that Harry looked up, his eyes taking their time focusing on the looming figure hovering over him.

"Sulking mister Potter?"

Harry narrowed his eyes but said nothing only taking a sip of his mead.

"Or is it Auror Potter."

"Go away pro--- Snape." Harry took a larger sip, remembering he no longer had to call the man professor.

Snape rolled his eyes and sat down next to him, their shoulders touching.

"It wasn't an invite," Harry shook his head.

Snape pulled his wand flicking once, a pitcher of mead and another goblet appeared. Harry watched as Snape poured himself a drink and then topped off his.

Harry barely noticed, he only drank, he knew he was passed drunk and was more than a little sleepy but he still could not bring himself to care. Not even to care about Snape's presence, though he was sure the insults of him would start soon enough.

He watched Snape sip his own drink, his long legs stretched out before him crossed at the ankles, looking out over the grounds of the castle.

"Nice dank corner you got yourself here Potter…. I especially like the stone wall." Snape commented without a glance at the boy.

Harry snorted, feeling a little unbalanced, rested his cheek on Snape's shoulder, had he been sober he would have dared but as it was he did not care, muttering "I knew you would appreciate it." his words were more than a little slurred.

Snape gave a upward nod, his lips pressed together in a amused sort of way, "How long is the self pity going to last."

Harry inhaled deeply, thinking it over, he wanted to say a lifetime but couldn't bring himself to say it out loud, "At least the rest of the day… tomorrow as well I imagine."

Snape gave another nod.

Harry waited for more, waited for some kind of Snape'ish sort of insult on his intelligence or weakness.

They were silent for a long time, long enough that the shadows on this side of the school grew larger, a light came on in Hagrid's hut, a nice shine sparkled in the forest fluttering about, Harry could only imagine it was some type of bug with the way it darted here and there.

Leaning in closer to Snape, Harry let his head drop, he was comfortable and warm, he was unconcerned it was getting late. Though not totally dark. The luncheon on the lawn seemed to have ended as there was no noise drifting toward them any longer.

"They want me to be an Auror," he said suddenly.

Snape looked down at the small raven head, nearly laying on his chest, he had almost forgotten the boy was there.

"I don't want to be an Auror… I've done my dues." Harry muttered again, his voice groggy and slightly slurred.

Snape wasn't even sure if the boy new what he was saying let alone who he was saying it to.

Harry raised his head willing his eyes to focus, "Bet you'll be glad when I'm gone, huh?"

Snape just stared at the boy, Potters face was unbelievably close.

"I've never been more thrilled Potter," he said dryly.

Harry stared at his ex potion master, the small lines around his eyes, his hooked nose, the slight hollowness of his cheeks, his thin bottom lip and somewhat plumper top. A lip that looked quite tasty… well his alcohol soaked mind thought so.

As Harry leaned forward with every intent of pressing his lips to those of his potions master but long fingers suddenly carded through his hair pulling his head back.

Snape's onyx eyes looked at him intensely.

Harry blushed with the way Snape was looking at him, his cheeks flushed a glorious pink, his hair somewhat tousled laid his head on Snape's chest, his eyes shut contently.

"Potter," Snape said softly, petting the boys hair, "Harry…?" when he again didn't stir.

Snape pulled the boy away from his chest, seeing that Potter had turned into nothing more than a rag doll, limp and asleep in his arms… passed out.

/SShpSS/

Harry woke the next morning face down on the Gryffindor common room sofa. His left arm trapped under beneath him was tingling something awful.

Turning over Harry held onto the sofa for dear life. The room went lopsided and began to spin, his stomach spasm, vile rose in his throat. Harry pulled himself upright and nearly vomiting on the sofa.

"Pepper up potion." Ron Weasley chuckled leaning over the back of the sofa.

Harry wanted to nod but didn't think his head could handle the movement. He reached out a hand instead waiting for the vile to be placed in it.

"Small sips… Hermione says," Ron laughed again watching his friend take the smallest of sips. "I thought you had gotten lucky when I saw your bed empty…"

Harry narrowed his eyes, thinking, it seemed there was someone with him last night he just couldn't think who… or what house she was from.

Grimacing Harry stood looking over the room, feeling better, "Where is everyone?"

"Down in the great hall saying their good-byes. You coming."

Harry rubbed his temple, "No." smacking his lips together, his mouth tasting foul, his body ached, "I need a shower, clean clothes."

Ron nodded starting for the door, "You going to avoid Hermione forever?"

Harry squinted at the overly bright room, he was not in the mood to discuss this so he ignored it all together. "I'll be down in a bit." and walked from the room.

/SShpSS/

It wasn't until nearly a month later with the castle empty of students, the Hogwarts Express long gone with the students that it hit him, he was leaving the only place he had ever called home. The only place that he ever felt normal. It was depressing.

He knew he should feel like an adult, fully trained wizard but he didn't. He felt like a child playing an adult game. He found it all so strange that once your final year of school was over or once a birthday passed that it was expected that everything about you changed at the stroke of midnight. That suddenly every childish, young feeling or thought you had vanished that instant.

Harry Potter tried not to think about all of it as he knelt in front of his Hogwarts school truck studying its contents. The emptiness of the castle was haunting in a way. He had never been more aware of the magic the school itself possessed. It was so pronounced now the very walls of the castle seemed to crackle with energy, hummed with power and the sheer strength of the wards and spells protecting its ancient stone walls… it was a little unsettling to see armor moved about the school with the purpose of visiting another piece of armor or even a portrait.

A bareness had settled over the Gryffindor common room as well, it was now more evident that the school not only housed a large number of students but a large number of house elves as well and during the summer they no longer hid in shadows. They seemed to emerge in large packs armed with mops and feather dusters, buckets and brooms, walking freely about with only thoughts of their summer cleaning in mind.

Harry looked down again at his school trunk and shook his head. His life's possessions were few, and if not a little sad. School books from every year since his arrival at the school, he had parted with none of them though his intent every year had been to post them for sale on the bulletin board in the Gryffindor common room like all the others in his year did, except of course Hermione, he simply had never gotten to it. The end of school years were always filled with battles with Voldemort or some battle, or adventure. A few school robes, one dress robe from forth year he had only wore once, personal clothes that hadn't been in the best of shape when he received them and after seven years of wear were now on their last leg. A few magical supplies, cauldron, ladle, quills, even broken ones, ink bottles empty and current ones in use, parchments, sneakoscope, a dragon model of the Hungarian horntail he had been pitted against in his 4th year, a wizard chess set he rarely used as they usually played with Ron's set, a broken mirror, a half melted knife set, invisibility cloak, wand and the only thing of muggle origin a tin horse with chipped paint that he won his first year of primary school for good grades on a spelling bee.

Nearly eighteen years on this earth and all he possessed could fit in one school issued trunk and it wasn't even magically expanded like the other students had done… it simply wasn't needed.

"Taking stock of life's possessions… _is _always questionable Potter."

Harry's head snapped around and frowned.

Kingsley Shacklebolt chuckled as he pushed off the doorway he had been leaning against and strode with more grace than Harry ever possessed toward the young man, coming to kneel down next to him. Looking down at the trunk and the possessions inside, "Did you need anything else before we leave Potter? Once you enter the training hall there's little time for shopping."

Harry sighed, "I guess another pair of boots, a pair of pants. I don't think there is much else I need."

"No, the academy will provide everything else. Lets be off then we'll stop at Madam Malkin Robes for all Occasions on the way." Shacklebolt pulled Harry along with him as he stood tossing the boy his cloak and magically shrunk the boys school trunk until it was about the size of a travel bag, another flick and it grew a long strap so it could easily be carried over ones shoulder.

Harry picked it up, sling it across his back. He cast a final look across the room that had been his home for the last seven years only the numbers on the door changing from one year to the next. The four post beds had been striped of all their bed clothes while he had been down at breakfast. The curtains gone from the windows, even the mattresses were gone from each of the beds, his included. The house elves were serious about their summer cleaning and while none of them had complained about him stay behind, he could tell from the looks they gave him he was only in their way.

Sighing again Harry followed Shacklebolt down the stairs and across the common room he tried not to stare at everything as if it was the first time he was seeing it but he couldn't help but not. The same with the portraits in the corridors and the grand staircase that would lead him out that door forever never to return to Hogwarts. He knew he was being dramatic, but he wasn't ready for this.

No that wasn't actually true, he wasn't ready for Auror training. It wasn't what he wanted but that was neither here nor there anymore. He would do his duty and serve, protect and perhaps stumble into some sort of middle ground where he could be happy…. Or at least live a life where he didn't want to toss his self off a cliff.

Harry shook his head to clear his mind, he had the same thoughts over and over again since school had ended, the same negative thoughts had clouded his mind since the presentations and he was sick of it. He could not change his life all he could do was make the best of the life dictated to him and career he was about to enter into and make his friends and professors proud of who he was about to become.

"_Snort" _Harry almost busted up laughing, he had become one those people… the ones that had to talk themselves into believing everything would be okay… _at least you have your health people. _Those stupid sickening people.

Kingsley Shacklebolt stopped, turning slowly around, "Everything okay there Potter?"

Harry bit his bottom lip and nodded, wonder absently if they checked for mental health at the Auror Academy, "Yeah …sure," he ground out…. _Who was he kidding his life sucked. _

Harry moved slower down the corridor and hadn't even realized until half way down the main staircase that he was in the last stretch before he left the school permanently… a slight panic gripped his heart making it almost hard to breath.

"Harry," Shacklebolt called breaking the thought had had just entered his mind, the Auror already at the bottom of the staircase, the headmaster and his head of house stood next to him.

Inwardly Harry groaned, he hadn't expected them or anyone for that matter to come see him off. Dumbledore and McGonagall together was not good, If either of them gave _its for the best s_peech he was going to scream.

"Harry Potter," Dumbledore twinkled, "So you're leaving us at last." though it really wasn't a question. Harry smiled politely as he made his way down the last few steps.

"My boy, it has been a pleasure having you as a student at Hogwarts. Go out into the world and do great things my child and know we are always here for you." He clapped the young man on the shoulder, "A small gift for you to open later." He winked.

Harry took the package, it felt like socks.

Harry barely had time to say a thank you before Minerva McGonagall pulled him into a hug, nearly crushing all the air from his chest. "Now Harry, I want you to make us all proud, great wizards have entered the Auror's academy and even greater wizards have come out of it. Do your parents proud." She to shoved a small box into his hand and started blotting her eyes with a small handkerchief she had up her sleeve.

Harry smiled nervously at them both. Juggling the two packages delicately. He knew he should say something to them, something meaningful but nothing currently came to mind. So he ended up nodding rather weakly. He couldn't shake the feeling that he was walking to his death.

Following Shacklebolt out the door of the castle Harry tried not to look back but he couldn't help it. The castle had been his home for seven years, the only place he had felt protected. The only place he could truly call home.

Harry stopped to look up at the stone castle, the towers and high windows, the gargoyles perched along the entrance way, balconies and turrets, the odd owl perched in a dark out of the way corner, nesting or sleeping. His own owl had been sent ahead this morning to the academy.

Just as Harry was about to turn around he noticed one of the shadows moved ever so slightly. Squinting he watched again as the darkness of the shadow unfolded at the base of the castle, a small golden flame lit a little brighter and then disappeared.

"Potter," Shacklebolt called, coming to stand next to the boy, realizing Harry was watching something in the shadows he to narrowed his eyes and was silent a moment.

"Snape," the Auror said, tugging on Harry's' sleeve he turned back around.

Harry didn't move, he watched the blackness of the shadow push away from the wall and exit the shadows fully.

Severus Snape moved smoothly toward him, a black thin cigarillo pressed between his lips, pulling way a small thin stream of smoke followed.

"Dumbledore finally kick you out of the castle for smoking Professor," Shacklebolt chide.

Snape frowned, ignoring him, "Leaving us so soon Mister Potter?"

"I'm not your student anymore." Harry snapped, Snape's tone always drove him mad.

"_Indeed_, I do seem to remember some sort of ceremony and certificates of _completion _being passed around. Though I must say I never thought this day would come."

Harry clenched his fists, he was about to spit forth some name calling when Shacklebolt spoke up. "_Okay _professor that's quite enough. Lets get going Potter. We don't have all day." Grabbing Harry by the arm he pulled the boy back to the dirt path and toward the embankment that led to the exit gates. Harry didn't pay any attention, his eyes were on Snape, his black robes billowing around him in the midmorning breeze.

Something seemed awful familiar about Snape, besides the obvious, the way the shadows moved around him, almost seemed a part of him. He couldn't quite put his finger on it. Seems there was something about shadows and Snape he should be remembering.

Harry didn't have time to think it over, Auror Shacklebolt was in full lecture mode, talking about goals and lists for the day. Harry had little choice but to follow Shacklebolt from the castle out to the apparation point.

TBC

Review please.


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